Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Time to Intervene

Let's talk about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart for a minute, shall we? I can't go a minute longer without letting you and Rob know how much I disapprove of this relationship. I shall elaborate.

A long time ago, I read the Twilight series. It was good, rah rah rah, but the "heroine" of the book may possibly be the most unlikeable central female character in American fiction. Bella Swan was a needy, obsessive, do-nothing without an opinion on anything or any personal successes to her credit. To young girls everywhere I say, Ignore This Bella Swan. Find yourself an Eponine with whom to identify!

Then came the movie and they cast the Kristen Stewart in question. Perfection. So then the fake Edward falls in love with the fake Bella and poof! You have the singly most mismatched couple in Hollywood, except for Nick and Mariah, but those dreamlovers are making it work... Carry on Nick and Mariah. Sorry to drag you into this.

So whatever. Stewart cheats on Patterson with some dirtbag director. She's young and impressionable. I can overlook that singular transgression but this? I won't get over it. I refuse.
Is Robert Pattinson Practicing for the Bachelor?
It is a fluff piece about how smashing RPattz was at the Golden Globes afterparty. He was "holding court" and giving red roses to Tina Fey. All was fine and lovely until Stewart shows up wearing
Jeans, a sweatshirt,and a backwards trucker cap...?!
Buddy, come on! One minute you're lavishing roses on Tina Fey and the next you're with your cheater girlfriend and her backward trucker cap? This has to stop. Your mother can't be happy about this. Listen to your mother for heaven's sake! This girl has too many issues. When you're as rich as she is, you can afford to clothe your body in something respectable. why!

Edward could have done better than Bella and Robert, you can do better than Kristen.

And you dear reader? You may carry on with your life now.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Leaning forward in my chair clapping.

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