Apples and Trees

Apparently the aforementioned don't fall far from one another because of this:

An Ode to Jackie Robinson

Football, baseball, cross-country too

Jackie Robinson, which will you choose?

The Brooklyn Dodgers called your name

And you went down in the Hall of  Fame

 By Michael K. Steele

Fanciful wordplay must run in the family because I think Michael "hit a home run" with this little bit of poetic brilliance.

My new favorite subject

I didn't know I had this many opinions about Kim Kardashian. This outfit.

CLINT BREWER/SPLASH NEWS ONLINE

Look, I am all in favor of getting big during pregnancy.  Biiiiig. Lord know I have done it. But, sister! You have to dress for it. This outfit is crazy.

What The...?

Guys, I promise.  I will get back to my favorite unpaid job of all, updating this blog, very soon. In the meantime I leave you with this.  Don't sue me if your retinas burn.  What in the everloving hell is she thinking?

(photo)

I read somewhere that maternity clothes are passe. One ought to just buy larger normal clothes and spare the world the cliched stretchy-tummied Motherhood Maternity garb.

Oh realllllly? Because if you ask me, Ms. Kardashian looks a little sumpin' like Violet Beauregard.

(Photo)

Frozen Face

Dear Nicole Kidman,

What in the hell are you doing to your face?

www.glamour.com

 You are starting to look all screwy. Quit the "procedures" and own your age. You need to tell your friend Courteney Cox to do the same.

huffingtonpost.com

Otherwise you'll start looking like your friend Donatella Versace,

celebrities.ninemsn.com.au

or your friend buff Carrot Top.

www.last.fm

Love, Sharon

Time to Intervene

Let's talk about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart for a minute, shall we? I can't go a minute longer without letting you and Rob know how much I disapprove of this relationship. I shall elaborate.

backseatcuddler.com

A long time ago, I read the Twilight series. It was good, rah rah rah, but the "heroine" of the book may possibly be the most unlikeable central female character in American fiction. Bella Swan was a needy, obsessive, do-nothing without an opinion on anything or any personal successes to her credit. To young girls everywhere I say, Ignore This Bella Swan. Find yourself an Eponine with whom to identify!

Then came the movie and they cast the Kristen Stewart in question. Perfection. So then the fake Edward falls in love with the fake Bella and poof! You have the singly most mismatched couple in Hollywood, except for Nick and Mariah, but those dreamlovers are making it work... Carry on Nick and Mariah. Sorry to drag you into this.

So whatever. Stewart cheats on Patterson with some dirtbag director. She's young and impressionable. I can overlook that singular transgression but this? I won't get over it. I refuse.
Is Robert Pattinson Practicing for the Bachelor?
It is a fluff piece about how smashing RPattz was at the Golden Globes afterparty. He was "holding court" and giving red roses to Tina Fey. All was fine and lovely until Stewart shows up wearing
Jeans, a sweatshirt,and a backwards trucker cap...?!
Buddy, come on! One minute you're lavishing roses on Tina Fey and the next you're with your cheater girlfriend and her backward trucker cap? This has to stop. Your mother can't be happy about this. Listen to your mother for heaven's sake! This girl has too many issues. When you're as rich as she is, you can afford to clothe your body in something respectable. why!

Edward could have done better than Bella and Robert, you can do better than Kristen.

And you dear reader? You may carry on with your life now.

I Got Nothin' But Love for You, Baby

From Page 639, Gone With the Wind:

I want you to do something about this horse.  He's stubborn and he's got a mouth as tough as iron. Tires you to drive him, doesn't it? Well, if he chose to bolt, you couldn't possibly stop him. And if you turned over in a ditch, it might kill your baby and you too.  You ought to get the heaviest curb bit you can, or else let me swap him for a gentle horse with a more sensitive mouth.

I love you, do you hear me, Rhett Butler?

Walden 2.0

Kill Me - Why don't you?

We went to the woods because we wish to live deliberately. We wish to front only the essential facts of life: Our Lord, our family, our beloved friends, God's miraculous creation and all of it's splendor. We wish to impart it's lessons onto our children and make sure they know what nature has to teach. But, when we got to the woods, all we found were boardwalks and overlooks and rule signs and thousands and thousands of people. And as long as I live, I swear on my honor, that I will never go to Great Falls on the Maryland side again. So that when we die, we will know without doubt, that we have experienced real life and authentic nature and we will not discover that we have indeed not lived.
                                                      ~Sharon Kieffer Steele, 2012

Spoooooky

So I was just sitting here, right? Minding my own business. Just perusing the internet to bide my time when all of a sudden - out of nowhere - I got the most mysterious gust of foot odor.

And my feet don't stink. Ever.

Don't you think that is spooky?

And that is all.

What I am Thinking About

H.W. Crocker III

An Open Letter to Mr. Crocker.
Dear Sir.
This evening I read an article you wrote entitled "Use NFP, It Doesn't Work" and I want you to know that I loved it.  I found your article while doing research for an article that I am writing about NFP.  I put in the Google search function "NFP Doesn't Work" and your article was delivered from cyber-Heaven.  The part where you quoted the tearful NFP-lover with her "wonderfully made" body made me laugh so hard that I woke one of the children sleeping on my floor. 

I have spent the last hour trying to find contact information for you - but to no avail.  That is why I am writing you this letter on my own blog.  Fat chance you are going to see it.

So my research changed from NFP to contact info for HW Crocker III, and to my surprise I discovered that you also authored "Triumph".  Sir, If I were anywhere near you I would pat you on the back, or give you a hug, or something like that.  I like the way you think.

So please accept this letter with a hefty dose of praise.  I thoroughly enjoy your work.
God Bless You,
Sharon Kieffer Steele

If you'd like to read "Use NFP: It Doesn't Work" here you go.
You're welcome.
http://www.catholicity.com/commentary/crocker/04828.html

Not Tonight

This is the time of day that I have been designating for use of the internet. The kids are snug in their beds, my sweet husband is in the basement, the tv is off and all is peace and quiet. Usually before I write on my own little blog, I check out my usual haunts, blogs that have spoken to me in one way or the other over the years. I am sure that I have linked to all of them from time to time. Tonight, everyone else on my elite list of blog-sites has said everything that I might possibly say. I would take the time to link to the posts, but I don't have any energy for that. Suffice it to say, I have nothing left to say.

My only wish is for you to have a lovely evening. I am about to embark on one myself -

Plus, I got a new book.

I Am Most Creative When I Am Procrastinating

And right now I am procrastinating reading Jane Austen.

Where will I gather my inspiration when I give it up and admit that it is boring?

My poor blog will never see me again once I get a new book.

Elevation

Tonight I am feeling very sophisticated. Instead of slumming it on network television, I have opted to watch my old favorite "Antiques Roadshow." I have to say that I don't feel nearly as dirty watching experts appraise Charles Dickens' handwritten letters as I do watching 20-somethings get drunk and throw their bodies around like trash on "The Bachelorette." (Don't let my bravado fool you, I have never missed a season of "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette," for that matter, did you hear Aaron Buerge just got married?)

And in keeping with my newfound mental elevation, I am resolving to put down my beach trash, and begin to read Jane Austen. Pride and Prejudice to be specific. Because I have never read it. There, I admit it: I have never read a Jane Austen novel in my life. Do you think I will be smarter when I finish it? I don't know. Perhaps my writing will reflect my newfound literacy? I don't know. I will endeavor to inform you in a fortnight.

This brings me to my third and final resolution for the week: I am going to try to update this blog more frequently rather than waiting for any sort of intellectual stimulation over on Facebook. Perhaps it is because I am a latecomer to the Facebook party or perhaps it is because I have no interest in seeking out all of my failed friendships and adding them to my "friends list" - but I am seriously tired of trying to decipher cryptic messages like "You know what I'm sayin....... ;)" from people I hardly know. I have used more emoticons in my experience on Facebook than I would care to admit and my sprawling vocabulary (joke) has been reduced to "LMAO" or "WTF?" Yes folks, I actually responded to post the other day by writing "WTF". Which is worse? Having never read Jane Austen or frequent and sundry use of abbreviations and emoticons? IDK. I will spend the rest of this week trying to rectify both wrongs.

(or is it that I have never missed a "Bachelor" season. Sorry. That one I won't change.)

Children's Lit

Last night, I finished reading "The Tale of Despereaux" to my kids. To say I enjoyed it is to only tell part of the story: I relished every short chapter, I revelled in every delightful word. I listened attentively as the narrator personally addressed me, the reader, at every crux. It is a beautiful story of tragedy, chivalry, forgiveness, and moving on. I believe it is destined to be a classic among children's literature. However, I was left a bit disturbed.

"The Tale of Despereaux" like so many of it's contemporaries, delves into some very dark themes. I simply do not understand why most all kids books/films must have some allusion whether overt or implied to the abandonment or death of a parent. WHY!? Isn't the loss of a parent at the core of every child's fears? Isn't it the one fear that trumps all other fears?

As is well chronicled on this blog, I do not have a vast understanding of literature or it's reasons. Could someone please explain the purpose or the dead or deadbeat parent that is featured in most of the genre aimed at children.

Casting this disturbing element aside, I loved Despereaux. I want another book like it. Do you have any suggestions for a good read-aloud book for medium-aged kids? Leave me a comment. I am trying to get my writing/photographing groove back and I am inspired by conversation. Talk to you soon.....

Taco Pockets - and a Big Fat Case of Bloggers Block

Long time no post. Why? I just can't say.

But the more I think about my "bloggers block" the worse it gets - so here is my attempt to negate it. Cancel it. Free my creative mind. Here goes...

I can't do it. I just tried to write several beginnings of ideas that are trapped in my head and they just won't materialize. This is why I never became a writer. Oh, yeah, and that tricky little fact that I don't read books. Well, except for Twilight. But that's not a book, is it?

But I really do have a story to tell. It is about Taco Pockets, how to serve a burrito to a 2-year old and have them actually ingest protein, a shoestring ratchet that will transform the world (promise...), a beautiful new bathroom, and more.

There is a lot to say - I just need to put it together. And throw in some pictures. Stay tuned, dear friend. I have a story to tell.